Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | April 9, 2019

Go Ahead . . . and laugh AT me again!

Here’s an e-mail I just sent to clients of mine who are spending 2 months in New Zealand. They left their car here at my place while they’re gone. I dropped them at the airport in Atlanta the day before I left for 9 days in FL.  She sent an e-mail telling me about their trip and asked for a response of what’s happening here.

And . . .  I have to just laugh at myself . . . once again.

 

Hi D&K

You asked to share our lives with you . . .  so . . . . another opportunity to laugh AT me.

 

I may not have shared my fun experience of having car trouble 3 hours south of Atlanta on our return from FL, ten days after we dropped you two at the airport.  Well, on our way home, check engine light appears. We make it to the Toyota dealer on a Saturday morning and luckily, it was a Saturday that they had someone in the service department.  A mechanic “happened” to be in at the time and he quickly determined that the starter needed to be replaced.  All of our luggage and baggage from 9 days out of town gets moved to the rental car for the final 3 hours home.

 

I go back down the following Wed to pick up my car. (3 hour drive back down to Tifton, GA).

 

I fill up my car with gas, 2 miles from the dealer, and I don’t have ANYTHING. No clicking like a dead battery. No dashboard lights. No buzzing or beeping of seatbelts, etc. NOTHING.  I notice I didn’t get angry. I realized the GPS arrival time back in Atlanta is 6:56, just in time to make it to 7:00pm Oneness Blessings at my friend Nancy’s house.  Well, even that is out of the picture now.

 

Long story, already toooooooo long . . .  I got back in rental car Wed night, drove 3 hours home and then the following morning returned the 3 hour drive to pick up my car.  The cable from the battery to the started needed to be replaced.

 

Last night Randall and I are rushing out of the house to get to another Oneness Blessing event. I get in my car and the same NOTHING.  I do have the dome light in the car but nothing else happens when I push the ignition button.  I notice I’m not upset. How strange.  “we’ll figure it out tomorrow”.  So, we get in Randall’s car . . . . and . . . . 6 minutes from the house I remember . . .  The car is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do when you push the ignition button . . . . and you don’t have the key near the car.  It won’t start!!!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 

I didn’t have my key in my pocket . . .  Johnny Rocket!!!  We both laughed. And I’m still laughing about it now.

 

I put my key next to something that I wanted to bring with me, which I conveniently forgot. And that’s what triggered my memory as to where I put my key . . . next to my teeth.   Ha ha ha ha ha ha.  I wanted to remember to put in my teeth and yet I forgot my keys AND my teeth.

 

I’m glad I can finally laugh at myself . . . . and continue to allow others to laugh AT me.

 

Safe travels. Thanks for the photos.  Keep laughing and enjoying yourselves!

 

Mark

 

P.S. I think I haven’t been posting much since I’ve been dealing with my teeth and gum surgeries and frankly, frustrated. I have to keep laughing about this too though.  Oral surgery #8 was 2 weeks ago and I still have several more to go. I can hardly wait.  LOL

 

What can you laugh about in your life?

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Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | December 14, 2018

When did you have the realization that things were opening up for you?

This post is a long winded answer to two questions that were asked on a private FB group. The group is private because we discuss and share many spiritual topics and paths that some people might judge and frown upon. To me, it feels like family, kindred spirits. No surprise.

 

1) When did you have the realization that things were opening up for you?

2) If you are not sharing your gifts outside this group, why do you think that is?

 

So . . . “opening up for you”?  I see this as opening up to my spiritual gift(s) that I’m actually here to share this lifetime. It’s a question that I’ve been asking a lot over the past 35-40 years and I don’t feel I have a clear, definitive answer just yet. I actually have been writing morning pages (Julia Cameron’s process) and sitting in meditation contemplating this question.  I feel I started realizing that things were opening up for me over a long period of time but 2 specific events quickly come to mind.  December 1986 sitting in my little studio apartment on West Stratford Place, half a block from Lake Michigan on the north side of Chicago and October 16, 2012 on Akers Mills Rd in Marietta, GA.

 

In 1986 I was asking myself how I could make my suicide look like an accident so I wouldn’t tarnish the Buhrke name. I was in a 12 step program that would help me overcome being gay. Satan had taken over my heart and I needed these 12 steps to deal with temptations. I’d probably still be gay the rest of my life but I needed tools to help me so I wouldn’t act on it.

 

I had had enough of this and was ready to end it. But how do I do it so it will look like an accident?

 

That’s when I heard a voice and felt an almost overwhelming feeling – “Stop fighting who I made you to be.” That was it. It was time to come out of the closet and I did over a period of time. Those stories are for other posts.  This was the beginning of listening to my Higher Sacred Self, My Intuition, My Inner Guidance, My Inner Knowing, or whatever else you want to call it.

 

So, I’ll add a third event, before I explain the second experience that originally came to mind, that I really felt this overwhelming feeling where I had direct guidance and knowing about a decision that I had been contemplating a long time. September 17, 2001.  I was living in Chicago and had been dating someone in Atlanta for almost 5 years. One week he would call and say he’s tired of Atlanta and he was moving to Chicago. Two weeks later I would say I’m tired of Chicago and I was moving to Atlanta. And this volleying back and forth had been going on for months.

 

Well, on September 9th, I returned to Chicago after a 9 day course in Florida. The spark of Chicago wasn’t as bright that night. I loved living in Chicago. I loved the experience of traveling into the city either via car or train. That night I was on the El coming from O’Hare and heading home. The spark wasn’t there. So, I asked the Universe to give me a sign. Is it time to move to Atlanta?

 

The following morning I heard that a 38 year old friend in my building had passed away from liver cancer. The next morning was September 11th and the craziness that ensued after that.  The following Sunday night a 51 year old friend had a massive heart attack and he passed away.

 

I get it!  No More Signs!!!  Please!!! I’m moving. I have clear direction. I’m moving to Atlanta.

 

So chronologically here, it’s now 2012 and I’m in Atlanta going through a roller coaster year. My mom had passed away the previous Thanksgiving. I’m growing spiritually but it’s a roller coaster of emotions and experiences.  In February and March I spent 6 weeks in India at O&O Academy (then Oneness University). I had already left the relationship that brought me to Atlanta and trying to figure out to keep the house or let it go back to the bank. Emotions. Questions. And I would nonchalantly say, “I could say I’ve lived a full life and never experience airbags.”

 

You’d better watch what you ask for. In September 2012 I had a nice man pull out in front of me while driving down Akers Mill Rd . . . and I got to experience airbags. As soon as I saw that he was ok (because he came running to my car yelling at me for hitting him when he pulled out in front of me. Go Figure) I asked the Universe a question that I had been asking quite a bit then.  “What energy am I to clear here today? How am I to impact the people involved here?  Help me to be aware, give me guidance and then help me to act on that guidance.”

 

It was almost surreal.  As I felt any anger or any emotions, I just kept breathing through them and they passed. As Sri Baghavan says, “Any Feeling fully felt, always turns to Bliss.” So I kept breathing and feeling. I think I’ve already posted about that event so I won’t belabor it anymore but it was one small part of a long unfolding of my awakening path. I had so many opportunities to sit in the breath. To listen for guidance. Receive guidance. To act on that guidance. I got to relax a little when the young county cop asked the guy who pulled out in front me, “You might recognize me. You like this intersection. Don’t you?”

 

I relaxed.

 

This was my mom’s car. I bought it from her just before she passed away and I was planning to drive it many more years. I could see from that damage, the airbags deployed and the windshield shattered, that I would probably be buying a new car at a time in my life when I had enough going on and didn’t want that experience. The young cop even picked up on it and said if I needed to release some things (I interpreted as emotions) he wouldn’t look down on me, as he pointed to a space in front of my car where I would have some privacy.

 

The more I acted on that intuitive guidance from My Higher Sacred Self, the more magic continued to flow in my life. The right people, events, and synchronicities appeared and the more I followed those intuitive hits.

 

I’m still wondering if I’m really doing what I’m here to do. Am I really living my life purpose? Am I really impacting other people like I feel I should be? Am I really bringing value to the lives of people around me; my friends and even those I don’t know?

 

As I read the two questions again I heard a dear friend’s voice in my head. “Tony, Tony, Look around. Something’s lost that can’t be found.”  This is my dear friend “Frances with an ‘E’” and remind me to write about that whole story so I’ll save it for another time.  She was raised Catholic and I think St. Anthony is the patron saint who helps you find things that are lost.  She was helping me a month or two ago locate something that I had misplaced. Once she said it and I changed it to “Tony. Tony, Look around. Something’s lost that’s going to be found” the item I was looking for appeared within a couple of days.

 

Today, I’m looking for a clear, definitive answer to what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. What I’m supposed to be doing in my life.  To those things that are being asked about in question #1. The things that are “opening up” for me.

 

Tony. Tony. Look Around. Something’s lost that’s going to be found!!!

 

Yes. It’s going to be found. Maybe uncovered.

 

It’s almost funny as I write it. Some people see spirits. Some people hear voices and guidance from clear audio of spirits. Some see auras and colors. Some see energy. Some have healing energies to share with others.

 

As I write this, maybe my gift is being calm in the chaos. Being ok in the not knowing. Being ok with the questioning. Being peaceful regardless of what may be going on around me. Not always, but I can keep a pretty clear head when others are freaking out. Hmmmm. Maybe it’s just listening to those intuitive hits and being more playful as I act on them.

 

A clear answer to the question, 1) When did you have the realization that things were opening up for you?

 

I don’t have a clear date or even time frame in my life. I feel this has been on ongoing journey for me. It seems to expand more at different times in my life. Even writing this has given me clarity, and more peace, within the chaos of the chatter of my mind when I first read the question. It’s an ongoing process. And maybe I’m supposed to be ok with the process. Be ok with the not knowing. Being ok with the not knowing in this moment. Trusting that I’ll have more clarity today, as this unfolds.

 

Then I move to question 2) If you are not sharing your gifts outside this group, why do you think that is?

 

The answer to this question is simple. It’s that old story in my head that has been playing over and over and over again my entire life.  And over and over and over and over and over . . . I even hear the click of the needle on the old 33 rpm lp . . . (if you’re under 40, pm me and I’ll explain)

 

I’m afraid of what others will say and think about me.

 

I’m laughing out loud as I write that because it comes back to wanting to make my suicide in my mid-20’s look like an accident so I wouldn’t tarnish the family name. What would people think about me? The family?

 

I am sharing this outside the group now because I’m writing a full blog post about it. Yes. I’ve had a very chatty mind my entire life. I’ve also felt, since Kindergarten, that I’m always being watched. Someone or something is always watching me. This was even before reading the book 1984. Even now I feel if I’m outside of my home, or if the blinds are open, I’m on a camera. With current video technology and drones, I realize that someone could always be recording me/us.

 

I had the realization a few years ago that the sense of always being watched as a kid and throughout my life, has been my guides, spirits, guardian angels, My Entourage, My Higher Sacred Self, or whatever you call it, reminding me that they always have my back. They’re always here lining up more synchronicities for me and nudging me to be more aware of them and then acting on them. The more I act on those “little nudges”, the more magical my life becomes and the more peace I feel.

 

I’ve also been so concerned with what others think of me that I’ve stunted my spiritual growth. I now see that there are things in that past that I haven’t shared with many people because I’m worried about what others will say or think. Yet I love the saying, “what others think of me is none of my business.”

 

And there have been many many times in my life when I’ve followed that still, small voice within me and acted on that guidance. I even went to the grave of a total stranger because I saw his tombstone at the end of a documentary, the movie “Bridegroom”. As soon as I saw it, I knew I was to go and visit it. Do I know exactly why or exactly what took place that day in a small town in northern Indiana as I stood on his grave and the graves of his family members doing energy clearing and other woo woo practices that I’m guided to follow? Nope. I just know in my heart that I did something of value to him, his family, his ancestors.  A-Ho.

 

So to Trish, who asked these questions of the group, A Big Thank You this December 14th morning. Thank you so much for asking the question and giving me the opportunity to get clearer in my life.

 

To Ask “Tony. Tony. Look Around. Something’s lost that’s ABOUIT TO BE found.”

 

I “lost” my mission for this lifetime when I chose to come back. It’s getting clearer and it’s time to say “yes”. It’s time to share my journey with the intention of opening a safe space for others to share their journeys AND their gifts with us. For this reminder and opportunity, I say Thank You Trish!

 

If I hold the intention, just today, to be aware of who is ready for my unique gift and then share it with them. And also hold the intention to be aware of who is crossing my path, willing to share their unique gift with me to put another thread into the tapestry of my life. Then all we need to do is BE our Unique Gift. Be Aware and then share our Unique Gifts and Be aware and receive the unique gifts of others.

 

Life can be this simple.

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | November 30, 2018

More Synchronicities/Miracles on a snowy Chicago evening

 

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Yes. It’s been a while since I posted. Brief story of what some friends call a miracle. I just call it following my intuition.

Last Sunday, after Thanksgiving, I drove from Milwaukee to the burbs of Chicago. There was a really slippery section about 3 miles north of the IL/WI state line to about 3 miles south. Then the roads were just wet and slushy. I made it to the funeral in Mt Prospect and then the appointment with a client in Palatine, IL, for those of you that know that area. Snow was coming down very hard and it was the beautiful, heavy, wet snow that sticks to trees and creates widows. (aka heart attack maker, especially early in the snow shoveling season.)  It really is beautiful to see the white snow on the black bark of the trees and the tall everygreen trees.

I stayed with my brother in Aurora so it’s usually about a 40 minute drive from Palatine to Aurora. Not that night. About an hour and 20 minutes.

As my father taught us two main things about driving on snow;

1 It’s not how fast you can go, it’s how quickly you can stop.

2 You have to know how your car handles on snow and ice. So, I kept hearing his voice in my head as I pulled out of the driveway in Palatine. I also followed “they’ll do what you do and not what you say”.  LOL  I remember many Sundays when we were usually the last to leave church, he would pack all of us in the station wagon and spin donuts in the church parking lot. “Gotta know how your car handles on snow and ice!!!”  Ha ha ha ha ha

I looked around and no cars near me so I sped up a bit and slammed on the brakes. Hmmm. These new cars with anti-lock brakes are no fun. They don’t slide, and it’s harder to get them to spin donuts. I also was fully aware that I was in a rental car, and not my car that I already know how it handles. So, I slowly headed towards the interstate. I don’t live in areas that get much snow so I was thoroughly enjoying the beautiful white “Shit No One Wants” falling from the sky and aware that I had to keep the temp in the car very high to keep the snow from sticking on the windows. (Since I prefer to be warm instead of cold, I had many layers of clothes, sweaters, vests and a coat on so I was plenty toasty)

I knew my max speed was going to be around 40-45 mph. I gave myself more space around the few cars that were out. Most people were smart enough to stay home.

As I approached Roosevelt Rd on 355, I was very aware that the roads were very slick so I was moving along, just under 40 mph when a car went flying past me. I wished him well and thought, “too fast. Leave them space to spin out.”  Luckily, he was about 500 yards ahead of me, no other cars around, and 3 lanes of space when I saw the tail of the car spin to the right 90 degrees and then spun all the way back around 270 degrees so the headlights were shining straight back at me.

I’m very very grateful that the car behind me had pulled into the center lane, ready to pass me, so we were both able to stop and gave the few cars behind us plenty of space to stop.

The headlights staring at me moved. 3 point turn around. and the car was off and traveling down the road, still traveling a bit too fast for my judgment of the roads, but who am I to judge. I just knew my max speed and kept myself under that speed.

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Because I decided I was going to be warm, comfortable and healthy, regardless of the temps and weather in Wisconsin and Illinois this Thanksgiving trip, I was well bundled and quite comfortable. It really was pretty so see the snow. I’m also glad I don’t live in it anymore though.

 

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | October 27, 2018

It’s My Birthday . . . and I want it Purple!!!

Photo by Pok Rie from Pexels

 

I made it to another birthday and I have nothing scheduled in my day today. I’m very happy about that. I was supposed to be taking The Beautiful State Course this weekend so I blocked out the entire weekend. That course has been rescheduled so I have “A Gift of Time” as one of my coaches used to say. I’ve already written my 3 pages of Morning Pages (thank you Julia Cameron) and also written my first Affirmative Prayer (Thank You Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta) for the day. I suspect there will be more written after I do my morning meditations from O&O Academy.

Last night I looked at my ballot for the upcoming election so I may even vote early today. Which leads me to the title of this post., Yes. I want my birthday PURPLE. As I see all my friends posting about keeping Georgia Red or flipping it to Blue. Forget all of that. My Birthday Wish this year is for Georgia to be PURPLE. I’ve joked for years that my life purpose is all about balance. I even have a company named Balancing to Peace. I feel the more I live my llife in balance, the more peaceful I am. On the political topic, I like some of what “the reds” have to say and I like what some of “the blues” have to say. I also totally disagree with what some of “the reds” have to say and I totally disagree with what some of “the blues” have to say. My perspective is that the things I disagree with are things that appear to be motivated by fear.

So, let’s sit down at a table and become one of “the purples”. How can we talk and listen to each other and listen to the hopes and dreams that we each have? Let’s listen to the stories and journeys we’ve each traveled.  There will be another blog post about physical therapy that started yesterday, but that’s another post. In a nut shell, what this shattered wrist and hematoma have taught me is that I want to skate until I’m 75 AND that we never know what’s going on in someone’s life today or what path they’ve taken that’s gotten them to today. How can we listen to each other? How can we truly shut up and listen? How can we discover that we are all the same and only want 2 things in life; To Love and To Be Loved.  That’s all.

Yes, my life is about balance. That’s why I had to be gay. I didn’t have a choice. I’m the youngest of 7 kids. So when I’m asked how many boys and how many girls, I reply, “3 1/2 boys and 3 1/2 girls.” Our family was balanced. Hmmm. And as I write this, I wonder if I turned purple a few times when my older brothers would sit on me. I’ll have to reflect on that. Maybe I’m onto something with becoming purple afterall.

As I sit here at my dining room table, I see a couple of pictures of my parents on my mantel/altar and also a picture of my 5 grandparents near me. I only met one grandmother and technically, she was my mom’s step-mother. Her mother passed away very young and her father remarried. Lena was always “Grandma” to me and she treated us as if we were her own grandkids. So I sit here with much gratitude for my ancestors, my family, that have brought me to where I am today, almost closer to 60 than 55. hmmm. And that’s good.

So now, how I can I shut up and listen more to others around me today?  Look for someone different than me and ask them about their story? Maybe become a little more purple myself today and increase my own level of compassion in the world.

What are you going to do today that will turn you a bit more purple, a bit more compassionate? Please share your comments and subscribe.  I look forward to hearing from you.

#feelpeaceandbethetransformer

Photo by Pok Rie from Pexels

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | October 11, 2018

More lemonade from the lemon; aka broken right arm at my wrist

2018-10-02 8:05 PM

My face is leaking. That’s a quote from my friend Holly Riley. Yes, my face is leaking right now. Honestly? Some of the pain meds from the surgery are starting to wear off so I just took another pill. But these tears are nothing to do with pain. Well, maybe they are tears of pain, but not physical pain.

I’m dictating this in 8:07 PM on October 2, 2018 which is two weeks and just under 22 hours since I fell and broke my right arm at the wrist. I am truly overwhelmed and amazed at the outpouring of love, care, concern, and willingness to help me. Even from people that I don’t really know that well, or haven’t known for that long.

It’s also around 11 hours since I had 10 screws and a plate put in my right radius, as it goes into the wrist joint.

There have been so many magical moments today. I’ll bullet point some of them since I know I’ve written blog posts on some of them already and I’ll write future blog posts That go more into the backstory of some of these.

* Karen, one of my best friends from high school, left a penny for me on the sidewalk outside wall greens today right after I picked up my prescription. We are 18 days away from the eighth anniversary of her transitioning. Sunday she left me a penny and a dime right in the doorway of Kroger.

* As tired as I was last night, I knew I had to make Green energy soup and boil up some eggs so that I would have food for the next few days. Those hard-boiled eggs sure were good as I took my last oxycodone.

* My furry purring love machine has been by my side. He Intuitively knows which arm had the surgery, and currently still has no feeling in it LOL, because that’s the arm and hand that he has been rubbing his head against all day.

* My friend John, one of those people I haven’t known for very long, who lives in my building and is very very very very very allergic to my furry purring love machine, came over to cut the surgery wristband off my left arm that was digging into my arm. At least I had the wisdom not to put a sharp object next to my skin. LOL

* I have a small reading light and a bedside table on the side of the bed that I don’t use very often. I often take this light for granted. It has a dimmer on it and something told me to light it tonight oh shit. And I think I’ll leave that little tidbit from the dictation because I’m learning Siri hears everything. I was readjusting my arm as I was dictating this And almost punched myself in the face with my nerve deadened right arm. LOL As I was lighting the light, I heard my mother tell me how she always felt safe in her home for the 10 1/2 years that she lived there after my dad transitioned and that she went To bed every night with that light lit as a night light. That was my dad‘s reading light that was on the bedside table on his side of the bed since 1972. I feel both of them here with me today.

* It would take thousands of blog posts to express all the ways my friend Linda has helped me, especially today. She was out of the country for over three weeks and just returned Friday. She cleared her schedule to take care of me today and boy did she take care of me well.

* You’ll hear me talk more about the author Tama Kieves. I bought a few of her books 3 or four weeks ago at spiritual living Center of Atlanta when she was here speaking. The one on back order arrived yesterday. The mailman pushed it into my mailbox when he had the main door open, but once he closed the door, the opening for me to retrieve mail shrunk a little less than an inch. This meant I could not pull the book out of my own mailbox. Until today, while Linda and I were pulling into the complex, and yes, the mailman was here delivering the mail. We both laughed as I showed him my splinted right arm and he retrieved the book for me.

* Well, Linda heard Tama speak those Three or four weeks ago and needed to rush to the airport so I actually had ordered two of these books. One for me and one for Linda. I got to hand deliver Linda‘s book to her today.

So, back to the tears. My intent in sharing this next piece is in hopes that someone else who may be feeling this way or has felt this way in the past, Will feel a sense of connection, self compassion, trust in them selves, and peace, so that they will choose to love themselves and stay here and share their unique gift with us. I also want to stress how I am PAST this in my life. Yes, there has been an underlying Conversation in my head for 50 years That suicide was an option. This is the first time I publicly put this out here.

I knew at age 5 that I was gay. Maybe not gay per say but different. As I reflect back, I also knew at that age that it was wrong and that I was going to hell AND I could never tell anyone.

Two days after I broke this arm my face started leaking with such gratitude for all the people who have reached out to me.

My Skating community. Several of them have had their own accidents, broken bones, and surgeries.

Spiritual living center of Atlanta.

My oneness Blessing community at large.

My oneness Blessing community in Athens Georgia.

Belong.LGBT, formerly Rainbros.

My oxygen Financial family.

My Gay spirit visions family that I just met this past weekend.

And all my friends from around the world.

I’ve always known that I’ve had great friends but this truly has been overwhelming.

So yes. That underlying conversation in my head that sometimes grew stronger and sometimes grew weaker is gone. But suicide, as a viable option, had been there for a very very long time. As I’ve been on my spiritual path for over 35 years, I really feel that it was as recent as a few months ago that this conversation left.

A little side story. A few months ago I started to playlist in iTunes called Mornings. It’s a list of songs that help me get my mind in the right place each morning. Karen Drucker is an artist that probably holds 75% of the songs on the playlist. The morning after my fall I knew something was wrong with my right arm. Not wanting to be a drama queen and blow it out of proportion, I knew the right thing to do would be to get an x-ray. I listen to my Mornings playlist as I get ready for my day. So as I am getting in the shower and babying my right arm, the next song that plays is Karen Drucker‘s “let it be easy”. She also has a song titled “let it go”. I think I finally stopped saying “let it go” to the thoughts of suicide several months ago and I actually have let them go.

I also know that at times when the conversation got very loud, the only way that I can describe the feeling that kept me from acting on it, was that there was a spider web like thread connecting me to someone or something. It was the spiderweb like thread, that somehow in it, someone was connected to me and that even if it was just this one person, I would be missed. There’s a whole other blog post that I’ll right soon about my fear that no one would show up for my funeral.

And as I write that, I do hope no one shows up for my funeral. I want a big ass celebration of life party and not a funeral as my ashes get spread somewhere.

I’m being guided to share this YouTube video as well. We never really know what is going on in someone else’s life.

Have the tissues ready

Much Love and peace to you.

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | October 1, 2018

Heartfelt gratitude

A quick post that I’m dictating today. So please find humor in house Siri transcribes my voice today.

I did the morning soul sync meditation with the group this morning online, and knew that today’s intention to set is to experience deep gratitude for everything in my life, exactly as it is today, in this moment. That includes me slicing my upper lip by shaving with my left hand. I only had two or three more swipes of the blade and one of them cut the skin. All I can do is laugh. Yes. I am grateful for Shea butter that seems to be healing the cut so quickly.

I’m also grateful for the side mirrors on my car that need to be replaced. And the front quarter panel that took a shopping cart in a grocery store parking lot quite a while ago.

Spending 3 1/2 days at the mountain retreat center in Highlands North Carolina allowed me to experience and clear energies for many lifetimes. I’ll blog more about that another time. Today’s blog post is gratitude for the increased emotions I’m also feeling today. I’m grateful for the dentist for the 7:30 AM dental appointment to take impressions for a new crown. I’m grateful for the oral surgeon this afternoon to assess how soon I’ll be ready for implants. And I’m very grateful for Western medicine and surgery on my right wrist tomorrow.

I might come back and proofread this later if not, may you find humor in the transcription of my dictation. And may you be grateful, in this moment, for exactly the way your life is today. I’m very grateful that you’re reading these words. I’m grateful that we can be connected in this way. And I’m grateful for your comments, that we can dialogue, that we can share different viewpoints, And that we can share more life on this spinning speck of dust that’s floating around the sun.

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | September 20, 2018

Who wants some lemonade?

Some people may say that I had a dump truck dump lemons on me Monday night. I see that I have one lemon that’s going to turn into gallons and gallons and gallons of lemonade. And I am going to be giving away this lemonade.

The lemon is 1 Closed traumatic displaced fracture of distal end of  Right Radius. Yes, The urgent care doctor came in and said, “it’s shattered.” Oh by the way, the radius is the bone from your elbow to your wrist. In layman’s terms, it’s not a clean break and part of the break goes right into the wrist, Which means surgery.

First and foremost, I’m giving myself permission to cry. Not one of these tears has been from Pain. The tears are fresh, even as I dictate this, from the overwhelm of love and support that I’ve been receiving since I lost my balance and ended up on the blacktop of the street Monday night. My Skating family wouldn’t leave me as I waited on the curb for someone to come back and pick me up. This fall knocked the wind out of me and I knew better than to push through it and finish the mile back to the car.

And I’ve laughed at how long it’s taking me to open a can of wet cat food. And I laughed again at how long it takes me to button a pair of shorts. I need some new shoes anyway. Looks like I’ll be buying some zip up boots.

I think that’s enough for now. I’ll be blogging more as I go through this journey of the next 8 to 12 weeks. More tears of gratitude and overwhelm as I think about approximately 75 people who publicly commented on Facebook and offered to help and the countless numbers of text messages , Instant messages, Phone calls and emails that I’ve received.

I’m taken care of. No matter what. I have even asked a friend of mine who lives in the complex and who is very allergic to the cat, if he’d be willing to hold his breath and walk from the front door to the Balcony and plant my flower boxes with pansies in a few weeks.

I am overflowing with the love. And that love is going right into the lemonade to ripple out into the world.

Feel peace. And be the transformer.

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | September 9, 2018

Join us for Book Discussion – Tama Kieves “This Time I Dance”

This year the Summer Soul Series Book Club at Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta discussed Tama Kieves’ “Thriving Through Uncertainty”. We had the honor of hearing her speak last night and then again today. I describe her as authentic and real. She shares in her speaking and in her writing the rawness of her journey and the growth she’s experienced. So, I’m co-hosting a book club to discuss her first book “This Time I Dance.”  What a powerful testimony today when someone stood up and said she read Tama’s first book over 20 years ago and also left her job in a law firm to follow her heart and her dreams. Wow! Time for me to read the book to continue on my path. And what better way to read a book like this than with friends who are also ready to take their next step.

You’ve heard me discuss my lack of consistency and follow through on things that I know I want to do and that my heart is pulling me to do. So, I took the opportunity and asked Tama about this last night. Her response . . . “Stop the self-judgment and increase self-love.” and I’ll add, increase the self-forgiveness. Yes. I have high standards in life and when I don’t reach a goal or miss the mark just a little bit, I tend to hold on to this and literally punish myself for it.

From one viewpoint, it’s kinda funny. It literally feels like ping pong balls bouncing on my shoulders with the “good angel” telling the “bad angel” to shut up and I end up listening to the “bad angel” and buy the bag of chips anyway. I’m glad I’m distancing myself more and more from the bantering between the two of them because I can now laugh at it more often than getting caught in the drama.

Lately I’ve been feeling old stories leave my energy field and I sense this one is on its way out too. Enough of the drama already. Time to take actions that align with my goals and dreams and time to laugh more at the craziness of the “bad angel” vs. “good angel” drama.

If you’re interested in joining us for the “Tama Kieves Book Club”, let me know. Even if you live somewhere other than Atlanta, we could always include you on a Zoom call and put you on the screen so you can be part of the discussion and part of the growth. And check out Tama Kieves for more information about her and what she offers.

 

Feel Peace and Be The Transformer!

 

#TamaKieves #ThisTimeIDance #BookClub #TransformYourLife #FeelPeace

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | August 12, 2018

Another Sign from The Universe?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Another miracle occurred right now. It’s 8:01am on Sunday morning, August 13, 2018.

Back Story – Last night I was listening to some YouTube videos while I prepared a salad to take to a friend’s house. I quickly left the house and just closed the laptop without closing any windows or even stopping/pausing the video.

I actually love going to my friend Justyna’s and hanging out with her because I’m usually only one of no more than 3 people that have English as their first language. Last night was the time to meet her brother who is in town from Poland. I think last night we only had 4 languages being spoken but it’s usually 6 or 7. Polish, Spanish, Georgian (not USA Georgia but I learned that the country of Georgia actually has their own alphabet and therefore language) and English.

I took a 7 month break from dating and the dating apps, just to give myself time to regroup and let my heart/emotions to heal. I started back a few weeks ago. It’s been fascinating to experience people saying they want to meet, actually scheduling a time to meet, and then not communicating and not showing. It happened, yet AGAIN, yesterday afternoon. I even sent a “Hi. I hope you’re ok.” message after the time we were supposed to meet . . . and it’s yet to be unanswered, even with a “phuk you”. I’d even be happy with that response because it’s clear communication.

All I want is clear communication.

I did meet someone online Wednesday and we had an enjoyable dinner Wednesday night. I had another dinner date Friday night with someone else.

So, after dinner last night at Justyna’s I went to my friend Drew’s to feed and hang with his two cats while he’s out of town. I told myself, “I’m done even reaching out. I’m going to just watch, be aware, and see who’s coming to me. No action.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

As I prepare to do my morning Soul Sync meditation from O&O Academy and then get on the Ekam World Peace Festival call at 9:00 today, I open the computer and it starts playing music . . . Matt Zarley’s “Somebody 4 Everybody”.

Although there are no guarantees, you’ve just got to believe . . .
Don’t you know there’s somebody for everybody . . . Just sayin’

 

Somebody 4 Everybody by #mattzarley

 

and another Matt Zarley song I really like is Change Begins with Me  “Anything is Possible”

 

The real miracle here is that I told myself I was not going to open any apps or e-mails or do anything until after my morning Soul Sync meditation. THEN I’ll decide what to do next. Lately, I’ve just started the day off and running or distracting myself so that I don’t even get in a Soul Sync or any meditation/quiet time and then the day often spins out of control.  Well, I was guided to write and share this post as my morning meditation today. I’ll still make it to the 9:00am Livestream from the Oneness Field in India for day 4 of Ekam World Peace Festival.

 

So, what’s something in your life that you’ve given up on? Take a few deep breaths. Feel. Listen. Be Aware. Is it something that really resonates with you? Is it something that you’d really enjoy having in your life?

 

Then stop taking action. Sit and be aware. What’s right in front of you already. What is your Sacred Higher Self telling you to do to allow it into your life? Then, take THAT action.

 

Enjoy a magical day and week.

 

#Ekamworldpeacefestival2018  #changebeginswithme  #lifeisfunnysometimes #soulsyncmiracles  #

 

 

Posted by: Mark, Transforming . . . | June 23, 2018

Why I don’t meditate as much as I “Should”

Seems like a silly topic from someone who has meditated for many many years, actually teaches various forms of meditation and has gotten great results. As I was listening to the first week’s session for Ekam World Peace Fesitval  and meditating with the guide, I realized that when I sit quietly I get what some of us call a download. Actually I receive many downloads. Many great ideas on what I can do today, or tomorrow or the next day or for the next weeks. I have all of these great ideas. Even more blog post topics to write about.

Then, the brain kicks in and I see these ideas as creating work and to do items to an already full schedule and already full to do list.  I feel like I have more topics and ideas to share here and then the brain spirals into “well which is most important?” and “with which one do I start?”. Then the judging and punishing part of my scorpion identity kicks in and I start looking at all the ways I’ve wasted time. Precious time that could have been spent doing something productive or writing a blog post that could impact just one person’s life.

Ah. There’s the answer. It’s the brain taking over again.  Breathe through this and allow the answers to flow.

A recent quote I read in the past couple of weeks has really shifted something inside of me.  I can’t find the exact words but it’s from Amma-Bhagavan, the founders of Oneness University, which is now http://www.oo.academy/  “I don’t need to ask for God’s forgiveness because God never judged me.” That’s the topic for several blog posts.

I pulled the book “Ask Your Angels” off the book shelf recently and I’ve started reading it from the beginning. A nice reminder that I ALWAYS have the answer to any question if I just take 3 deep breaths. Usually answers to questions come as soon as I place my intention to breathe out there. All I have to do is be open to answers flowing . . . and they appear.

I sense this is enough for today. Enjoy your day. Remember to take a few breaths and listen for your own answers because you already have all of your own answers inside of you. Just listen.

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